Had it Coming (2D Gorillaz deathfic one-shot)
by BloodthirstyMerc
Summary: Gorillaz 2doc deathfic that isn't really 2doc. I'm really good at writing these apparently... I'm sorry :(
Something that Murdoc always knew was that 2D was never happy. The first time he came crashing into his life (literately) and was forced to look after the soul, he knew the younger male wasn't okay. And not just because he'd been thrown into a coma and then out a bloody windscreen and fucked up his eyes in the process. No, that just made the sadness that was already in the boys heart lock into place tighter. Murdoc didn't care if he was happy or not. He could sing, and that was all that mattered. Looking back on all that now, he hates himself for thinking like that. Stuart deserved happiness, deserved compassion, humility and love. And he got none of that.

As the band went on and time passed Murdoc watched on as the life in 2D wilted away like a flower without water. His poor broken eyes lost that shine, his smile never showed true and his body never stood tall. He fell like many others into the iron grips of depression. He didn't reach out for help because he knew he wouldn't get it. Murdoc watched on and never offered. He wished he had. He's a soulless monster for what he did to the singer. He bullied him, beat him, broke him worse then he could break himself. And he knew what he was doing, knew that every hit, every harsh word, every cruel action was helping 2D lower himself under the ground.

At one point, when he was being hunted by bounty hunters and pirates he found himself thinking about the blue haired boy a lot. He thought that maybe what he was feeling then, the constant struggle and fear, forever running, if that's what depression felt like. Feeling caged while also being able to move so easily. At that moment he felt someone akin to guilt and regret for the years passed of treating 2D like total shit. He forgot he even thought about any of that after he got hold of some alcohol.

He almost hates himself now for holding 2D captive in the basement of his island, almost. He almost regrets holding the boy against his will with that whale on watch, providing him with daily fear. He probably would hate himself for it if he had a heart left to care. Truth is that he's always had a heart apparently, and it always did beat even when he thought that it was long dead. Now, he knows that it really has taken its final beat. He knows what it feels like to die inside, to stop caring and to stop living. Only without the actual commitment of death.

He wishes that was the same for Stuart. But he was gone now, and no number of tears, words, actions or feelings can change that. Murdoc's figured that out pretty quickly too. It's funny really, how for some reason he thought that if he said enough of the right words that maybe 2D would come back to him. He wished he'd said them earlier, but doesn't everyone? He'll never forget how he found the singer, never forget how in that one moment everything he'd ever did to wrong the male came crashing down onto him, the weight making he himself fall to his knees and cry out as the pain of it stabbed into his chest and made his heart stop beating. He'll never forget how he felt like he was dying as everything came back to him and the pain of his own actions and words crushed him.

2D was dead two hours before Murdoc found him. That's what the doctors told him. It's funny too because usually if he heard a loud noise somewhere in the apartment he'd go and knock the sense into 2D until he promised he'd shut up. But he was so hungover and tired that when he heard the bang that he didn't care and tired to will his bloodshot eyes to close and go back to sleep. Two hours passed with the sound rolling around in his head before he went to go find out what the idiot was doing. He'd sworn at the singer as he ripped the door open 'what the fuck have you done now you moron?'. And then it all crashed because what 2D had done was pushed a pistol to his temple and brown his brain to pieces. And Murdoc had known he wasn't happy and he knew that he was playing a stupid game by pushing him around but he hadn't cared. Until then. In that moment he cared and it all mattered but it was too late because as he fell to his knees screaming and swearing for 2D to open his stupid eyes, crying like he never had before, he realised that 2D had been dead for more then two hours. His body just hadn't quiet given up until then.

Looking back on it all now, Murdoc knows he'd change everything if he had known. Because he might have been a heartless monster for as long as he can remember, but a murderer was never something he wanted to be. Because he knows that it was all on him, he could have saved Stuart had he just spoken to him right, treated him right. But he wasn't a man of feeling and so the idea of 2D committing suicide had been a laugh because in his mind he thought that he wouldn't ever get the guts to do it and that even if he did, he had it coming for him. The problem is that it isn't really a suicide when you're the one to put the gun in someone's hand and tell them to pull the trigger, now is it?

And the other problem is that now that the grieving is over and 2D is nothing but a distant memory in Murdoc's mind, the sadist doesn't care all over again. Stuart always had it coming for him, that's what he tells himself so that he can sleep at night.


End file.
